It goes without saying that the content of this article is not intended for children or those made uncomfortable by such topics. But if you're interested, read on for the story of my seven days on Craigslist's Casual Encounters — my failures, near misses, discoveries, insights and successes. Following that, I interviewed two women to learn how they used the site successfully for their own fulfillment.
Each day I tried a different approach to see what would be most effective, though I never lied or posted fake photographs. One day my message was intended to be sweet and normal; I suggested starting with drinks and fun conversation to see if we had chemistry, then going back to my place to cuddle on the couch with a movie and see where that led. Another day, I described it as a rebound. In yet another, I explicitly detailed sexual activities and used very aggressive language.
Ultimately, only the "sweet and normal" was successful, even though very few posts by women had that same tone more on that later. I received about a half-dozen responses each day. Most were scams, some were men, some were prostitutes, and just one was legit. All the responses I got from real people on my first day weren't from women — they were from men.
I made it very clear in my post that I was only interested in women, but a large number of men chose to ignore that. They all offered oral sex. I responded to them politely, saying, "Just interested in women, but thanks for the offer! Have a good one. I began to suspect that no women actually used the site.
The stereotype is that women are interested in relationships, and that only men would be interested in totally casual sex, right? We know that's not true, though. In fact, I was inspired to write this article when a friend told me many of her female friends had owned up to using it. Over the next couple of days, I actually received a lot of posts from women.
Or at least, they said they were women. To be honest, I doubted the veracity of the claims. It didn't take long to realize that almost all the replies I received were scams. The situation is so severe on Craigslist Casual Encounters that posts by real women who are actually seeking hook-ups are often flagged for removal at the slightest cause for suspicion. The most common scams are "safe dating" websites. An alleged woman will write a man saying she's interested, but that because of the Craigslist-based serial killers and rapists in the news, she needs some extra assurance that it's safe.
If you follow the link she provides, the website asks you for your credit card number — y'know, so it can do a background check to make sure you're not a criminal. One individual tried to get me to buy him or her virtual currency in online games like MapleStory before agreeing to hand over contact information.
Yeah, right — moving on! What little luck I'd had so far. The week was half over and I hadn't had a single bite. I decided I would have to take the initiative, so in addition to posting my own ads, I started responding to every ad from any woman who seemed at all interesting. I cast a wide net in my searches, looking up posts by straight or bisexual women between the ages of 18 and 35 who lived anywhere in Chicagoland — a large metropolitan area that's home to close to five million females.
Most of the women wanted something very specific they couldn't find in their normal lives: Someone to help play out a particular fantasy, someone vastly older than them or someone of another race. Very few of the women who were advertising seemed to be looking for anything I would consider a "normal encounter. I typically wrote two or three paragraph replies and matched the tone of their own messages, then attached a couple of tasteful photos of myself.
I didn't get a single reply from an actual prospect this way. It turned out that most of the ads were fakes from scammers, and quite a few fell into another category all together. Prostitution is what made Craigslist controversial.
There's technically another section for that — "Adult Services," formerly "Erotic Services" — but that's not the only place you'll find practitioners of the world's oldest profession. The prostitutes of Craigslist speak in code, but it's not a difficult one to learn. They advertise "French lessons" — an odd thing to advertise under "Casual Encounters," don't you think?
Well, it's obviously a euphemism for something else. Many of the ads that weren't from scammers were from prostitutes. The ads are so obvious that it's surprising the euphemisms are effective in fending off law enforcement. Then again, maybe they are law enforcement.
Amidst all those failures, I had one near-success. A woman wrote in response to my sweet "cuddling first" ad saying she was in town for only a couple of months, and that she was frustrated she couldn't find a relationship.
When she sent her pictures, she looked plain but attractive. We exchanged a couple of e-mails over the course of two hours, tossing back and forth lists of interests and the like.
She made it clear that she wanted to meet up, and while she talked about starting slow, it was clear that it would indeed be a casual encounter. But when I suggested a time to meet — the last message from me before I would reveal myself and back out — there was no reply. At least, not yet. The next day, she e-mailed me saying she was deeply apologetic and that she'd fallen asleep.
She said she'd like to meet up sometime. So yes, there are women on Craigslist. I am 70 years old very fit and very active. My wife has been an invalid for 4 years and sex is no longer a proposition. After two years I decided to visit a lovely lady and the experience was anything but seedy.
I found her to be intelligent, articulate and of course fantastic fun. I have been only with her for 18 months now on a regular basis, we have become the closest of friends and I must say I love her with a vengeance. We are I suggest having an emotional affair. She is a married lady with married children and comes from a good family. Her husband knows what she does for work but has chosen to look the other way.
The rest of her family and her social circle have no idea what she does. Of course, her husband has no idea of my relationship with his wife or even that I exist. I will never do anything to hurt her or her family and I am well aware that one day the relationship is likely to end. For my part, I have made a friend for life and I look forward — like a teenager — to seeing her and to our daily telephone conversations. I am proud to call her a friend and wish we had met years ago under different circumstances.
I would love to be able to introduce her to my group of friends and to my family. Financially, I will never expect to see her during her work time without contributing. When we meet outside of her work time there is no financial expectation.
I am writing this because I think it needs to be said. Yes, I am an adulterer I am cheating on my wife but I am very respectful, have found happiness with a delightful person and have no regrets. A lot of wives want to check out of the sex department because they do not feel the need anymore and expect their husband to just jerk off once a week at the bathroom. Well, ladies, that is not how a husband became a man and stayed a man.
I have a unique situation. My wife and I became teenage parents and immediately settled down with children. I found a lovely lady, I guess you would call her a sex worker, that I have visited twice now. I go to her house and we cuddle and explore. She works another job and seems to not have many guys she sees. I know how this sounds but it has been therapeutic for me. As a disabled guy, sex workers have been a blessing in helping me come out of my shell and gain confidence.
Sex with a prostitute is just sex. Sex with a non-prostitute tends to come with baggage. If all you want is sex, then it makes sense to not have to carry the baggage, great or small, that a non-prostitute entails. NSA sex might be just that, no strings attached. But it rarely is. There is, at a minimum, a certain set of social obligations that comes along for the ride.
Casual sex is fraught with strings, too. Men who see prostitutes for reasons other than just sex — and there are many — are looking for conversational partners who are non-judgmental. After menopause, my last wife had no interest in sex at all. She even called me sick for suggesting it at my age saying those days are over and that I should grow up. Now I live alone and I never plan to marry again.
Like many men of my..